If you smoke, you are gross.  What a disgusting indulgence.  It’s just like, icky.  It makes you stinky and phlegmy and nasty.  You know why people don’t regularly roll around in dog shit?  ‘Cause it’s gross.  So is smoking. 

 It’s one thing to abuse drugs that don’t affect others, though I would argue there’s no such thing, but smoking very directly hurts those around you.  Why should I have to breathe in your second hand smoke because you are self-destructive?

 I understand addiction but why do people start smoking in the first place?  Obviously they start young, when they are impressionable and prone to peer pressure but that is really no excuse.  Even as a nihilistic teenager I was never, ever pathetic enough to let others influence me into stabbing myself in the eye with an ice pick.  Similarly I never picked up a cigarette no matter how many times they were offered.  Do you really think so little of yourself that you would willingly blacken your lungs just to fit in with the in crowd?  Christ on a cracker, grow some self-esteem.

 Parents who smoke are the worst.  ‘Cause really?  You really can’t quit for the sake of your kids?  What kind of message are you sending to your offspring?  And do you care so little about their health that you would endanger it so deliberately and directly?  Because you know that shit is infecting them, right?  Not just psychologically but physically as well.  It’s not just that they’re breathing it in, it’s also being absorbed into their skin just from touching you, just from being in your house.  So really?  Seriously?  You’re really gonna keep smoking even though you have kids?  Who allowed you to breed anyway? 

I know someone who grew up in a smoking household.  As a kid he was addicted to nicotine just because he was constantly exposed to his parents’ fumes.  So when he would go to school or to friend’s houses he’d go into withdrawal and act like a total dipshit.  He’s probably lost years off his life just because his parents were too selfish to consider his health.  God, that shit pisses me off!  It smacks of a disrespect so palpable that you can actually see it floating in a cloud around them.  Oh no wait, that’s just the smoke.  I hope they choke on it and die. 

 Smokers should be locked up with rapists and pedophiles.  That’s how much it offends me.  I wish there would be a plague that would wipe out all the smokers.  You know, one that is more fast-acting and ubiquitous than cancer. 

Oh yeah, and that includes pot smokers.  Rant ’till you’re blue in the face about how marijuana has medicinal value and blahdy bloo but that shit stinks and I don’t want to breathe in your lethargy while I walk down the street so put it away!

 Now just so we’re clear, it’s not because I don’t smoke that I’m better than you.  It’s because I never even tried it, never even wanted to, was never even slightly tempted to try it and was always totally disgusted by it, even as a teenager that I Am Better Than You.