Ok, deep breaths… I’ve had a long session with the ship’s counselor and I think I’ve overcome my rage.  By exercising Vulcan levels of self-discipline I think I have come to the point where I can accept what they have done with this reboot of the Star Trek license.  Because it really is a reboot.  Recently I read an article (sorry I went to look for it but can’t find it) that asks why is Trek sacred as a franchise?  Why is it ok to reboot all superheroes, BSG, and whatever other sci-fi franchise but Star Trek cannot be touched; anything that is not canon is spit upon?  Well the answer is: BECAUSE DAMMIT!  The franchise has been around for so long that writing stories that don’t contradiction cannon is very difficult but it is also because of the age of the franchise that it musn’t be toyed with.  This is a franchise we as fans have grown up with, it has shaped us and to mess it up is an insult to not only what we believe in but to who we are.

So yeah, watching the movie I was pissed that *spoiler alert* they have completely and utterly changed everything.  Basically this is an alternate timeline.  The story in this film takes place in an entirely different reality than the one we are familiar with.  And that annoys me.  As I ranted yesterday, it annoys me that TPTB insist on playing with the TOS characters instead of moving forward with the franchise and setting it in say, the 25th century.  It annoys me that they want to go backwards.  But I get it.  I get that it is an economic decision.  There is no guarantee that people will go see a movie about brand new characters having adventures in space.  But there is a built in audience for Kirk and Spock declaring their endless love for one another.

But with my Vulcan meditations I’ve overcome my irritation and come to accept the situation.  I’m not sure I’ll ever get to the point where I embrace it but I do accept it.  In fact, alternate realities are well established in Trek so in that sense this story IS internally consistent.  Plus its a damn good ride.  Its  fun, funny, and entertaining.  Its basically an action movie, as all Trek movies are, with a good story thrown in and some excellent character interractions.  The  story focuses on Kirk of course, and as I predicted he’s a douche but it turns out that much of my hate for Kirk is centered around Shatner.  I always thought I hated Shatner because of Kirk but it’s just the opposite.  Kirk is still a skeevy, cocky, rash and reckless toolshed of a dick in this film yet I didn’t hate him.  I actually didn’t hate him!  I wouldn’t go so far as to say I liked him but I understand why some of the other characters in the film do.  And I appreciate that some characters have to grow to like him.  I really liked the way Uhura in particular responds to him.  And even though *spoiler alert* I thought it was all caps LAME that old Spock manipulates the friendship between young Kirk and young Spock I also appreciate the way young Spock comes to care for Kirk. 

There are also many other things in this movie to enjoy.  While it is entirely accessible to mainstream audiences, there are also lots of little in-jokes for fans.  (There were two in particular that I really liked but I won’t spoil them for you, though I was compelled to lean in towards my viewing companion and point them out ’cause I knew he might not catch them, not being a hardcore fan like me.)  Once you accept the alternate timeline you can sit back and enjoy the ride even though some plot points play very dangerously with established lore.  Though it is understandably controversial, I quite liked the *spoiler alert* relationship between Spock and Uhura.  It makes sense for Spock’s character arc within the context of this story and since Spock is my fave character from TOS I enjoyed that they gave him so much to work with.  In fact, I floved all the Vulcan stuff.  It was just top to bottom awesome and incredibly consistent with what we already know of Vulcans.  Zack Quinto as Spock, is as predicted, AWESOME.  God he’s good.  I just want to lick his eyebrows he is so rocking. 

The other actors playing old characters are a mixed bag.  Bones is pretty good and Scotty is appropriately amusing but Chekov can shut up now and go get the proper hairstyle.  Sulu I liked even though I don’t think John Cho looks or sounds a thing like George Takei.  Uhura was also good even though once again I don’t think she was really channeling Nichelle Nichols.  As mentioned I much preferred Chris Pine’s interpretation of Kirk over Shatner’s so that’s good but I’m not sure he really embodied the true Kirkiness of Kirk.  Maybe what I’m saying is that he wasn’t douchy enough to really be believable as Kirk!

In any case, all in all this movie is good fun.  If they make a sequal continuing in this timeline I’ll go see it.  Trek owns me, what can I say?

[rating:35]

 

Hey woah, I just realized that I forgot to discuss the villain.  I guess that’s because he was totally meh.  I love the Romulans, they are my fave villain in all of Trek, to the point that I don’t even consider them to be bad guys, I’m totally on their side.  But the main baddie in this flic was lame.  He didn’t even look like a Romulan.  I don’t know why they felt the need to mess with the look of the Romulans but it was stupid.  Oh well, ZQ Spock makes up for it in spades.

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Everybody knows I’m a huge Star Trek fan.  Maybe to a point that is even… unreasonable.  But there it is:  I take this shit seriously.  In my defense I was 11-years-old when I first became a fan so my tastes were less refined than they are now (slighty at least) and hell, it was the ’80s.  We were ALL less refined.  But my devotion to the franchise is unwaverable.  No matter what kind of shit they throw at us, I will watch it, even if it sucks so loudly you can hear the vacuum of space (no, that makes no sense, but my wordplay is da bomb, yo!).  Hell, I watched Enterprise, ok?  I watched it faithfully!  And I even defend some of the choices they made in that series.   I am also a militant defender of Voyager… ok, not militant, more like semi-closeted, but still.  Seven of Nine rocked y’all. 

But no matter how much I love Trek, I HATE the original series.  HATE!  We’re talking all caps hate.  Now I realize it was the ’60s so they were working with limited resources, mainly the lack of functional feminism (in spite of Rodenberry’s best efforts) but really, that’s no excuse.  If something sucks, it sucks.  Like, much as I love TNG I can admit that the first couple of seasons were dog poo.  Anyway, most of the reason I hate TOS is because I hate Kirk.  He is such a fucking douchebag.  I guess I get why he’s such an icon and why so many people love him, because he’s all heroic and shit and he’s the alpha male and he has sex with green women and stuff but fuck, dude is a tool.  He is an asshole.  I’m sorry, it’s true.  He is all act first and think later, killing everything that gets in his path.  And he’s just… gross.  Creepy.  Douchy.  (Just to clarify my terms: douchebag= something that advertises itself as being good for your vagina but will actually poison it.)  Ugh.  Seriously.  Kirk?  Mega douche.  But I do acknowledge what TOS did right, such as Spock.  The whole Vulcan concept is top notch.  And they had a few decent episodes I guess.  Whatevs.

Obviously what I’m getting at is the new movie.  Many years ago I came to the point where I was willing to let Star Trek go.  In spite of my love I decided it was time for the franchise to die.  The last two movies made that painfully clear.  In this age of relatively realistic sci-fi shows such as BSG, is there room for the cheesefest that is Trek?  (Yes, I acknowledge its cheesiness, even though it also has compelling storylines and awesome characters.)  Part of me thinks that yes, there could be another series, if they start with a new concept, a new cast of characters and if they are perhaps willing to bend the original Rodenberry rules (such as DS9 often did).  But mostly I am so worried that TPTB will continue to screw up the franchise that I just want it all put to bed so they can’t keep crushing my soul with their lack of internal consistency.

So what are my thoughts on the new movie?  Well, I haven’t seen it yet.  I’m going tomorrow and I will post my review after seeing it.  But in the meantime I am extremely trepidatious.  I’m pretty sure I will hate it.  Because why oh why must they insist on bringing back the original crew?  Sure, they won’t have the original actors, (save Nimoy) thank god but they will have the characters, including *gag* Kirk.  And no matter what they do with Kirk, I will hate it.  If they try to dedouchify him for a new generation then it will be dishonest and do a disservice to the history of his character, but if they keep him douchey then I will cringe through the movie, throwing popcorn at the screen and yelling at him to STFU.  Based on the trailers, he will be in full-on douche mode.  So that’ll suck.  But also based on the trailers, Zack Quinto will own my soul as Spock. 

So I remain cautiously optimistic, where cautiously optimistic means scared shitless that I will want to slash my wrists after witnessing the further shredding up of my beloved franchise.  I get that Trek is a cash cow Paramount cannot let go but I also believe that a semblance of artistic integrity is necessary if you want to keep fans coming back for more.  But clearly my beliefs are wrong since they’ve made this movie without getting my permission first.  Don’t they know who I am?!?!?!

Well, here’s how I assume I will feel after seeing it.

Stay tuned for my review tomorrow.

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